The usage expert Bryan A. Garner notes that “punctuation problems are often a prime indicator of poor writing,†and he quotes Hugh Sykes Davies on this point: “Most errors of punctuation arise from ill-designed, badly shaped sentences, and from the attempt to make them work by means of violent tricks with commas and colons.â€
No tricks and no violence, please. If you find yourself desperately shoving in commas, dashes and colons to hold a sentence together, start again and simplify. Here are some recent cases in point:
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They may also wonder why no one, anyone, smacked the director, Zack Snyder, in the head and reminded him that he was midwifing a superhero franchise, as the film’s first image, of a yelling, straining woman signals, not restaging the end of days.
Danger! Danger! Eight commas in one sentence! The jumble of phrases and clauses is very difficult to read. There’s also a grammatical and logical problem in using the positive “anyone†in apposition to thenegative “no one.â€
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His harshest critics might argue that by exposing American intelligence practices, he gave aid and comfort to Al Qaeda and its allies, with whom the country remains in a military conflict, thanks to the Authorization for Use of Military Force, which Congress passed after Sept. 11, 2001, and is in force now.
The strain of trying to hold the syntax together, clause after clause, finally proves too much. Among other problems, the same “which†cannot serve both as the object of “passed†and as the subject of “is.†Once the case of the relative pronoun is determined in the clause, it can’t switch; you have to repeat the pronoun. Better still, start over.
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In Hong Kong, legal experts said the government was likely to turn over Mr. Snowden if it found him and the United States asked, although he could delay extradition, potentially for months, with court challenges, but probably could not block the process.
Five commas here, pl! us the double-reverse of an “although†followed by a “but.â€
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With fields, dusty and dry one moment, muddy and saturated the next, farmers face a familiar fear â€" that their crops will not make it.
Here the punctuation problem was the cause, not a symptom, of the confusion. The erroneous comma after “fields†makes the sentence difficult to decipher.
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In February, Private Manning pleaded guilty to nine lesser versions of the charges he is facing â€" and one full one â€" while confessing in detail to releasing the trove of documents for which he could be sentenced to up to 20 years.
But his plea was not part of any deal and prosecutors are going to trial because they hope to convict him, based on essentially the same facts, of 20 more serious offenses â€" including espionage and aiding the enemy â€" that could result in a life sentence.
The pairs of dashes in successive sentences are just the most obvious sign of trouble. We should have started overwith this convoluted passage.
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Ms. Gibson described the growth of the Web site in the United States as steady and that it would integrate all types of experts into its coverage who it may reach through blogs, commenters and types of social media.
At least two problems tangle this sentence. We needed “said†or some other verb to introduce the clause “that it would integrate….†And we wanted “whom†â€" the object of “may reach†â€" not “who.â€
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In a Word
This week’s grab bag of grammar, style and other missteps, compiled with help from colleagues and readers.
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On Friday, Mr. Marshall’s lawyers made an unscheduled appearance before the trial judge, Justice A. Kirke Bartley Jr., to file a sworn affidavit from the juror, Judi DeMarco, in which she recounts the confrontation and says she felt coerced into voting to convict Mr. Marshall.
A redundancy, as all affidavits are sworn.
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KA! BUL, Afghanistan â€" First, the British marines tried to pacify it, and lost more soldiers there than anywhere else in Afghanistan.
Marines and soldiers aren’t the same.
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Administration officials say that Mr. Obama is likely to make his most fulsome economic arguments against Europe’s continued emphasis on budget cutting â€" and for the relatively successful American model â€" after the Group of 8 meeting, when he flies to Germany.
Perhaps we meant fullest, broadest or strongest, but not “most fulsome.†From The Times’s stylebook:
fulsome means not just abundant but offensively excessive.
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It all began with “An American Family.†Without the dysfunctional Louds and the riveting real-life drama of their household, televised by PBS in 1973, there may never have been an MTV “Real World,†any “Real Housewives,†“Bachelors†or othe inescapable figures from the reality TV landscape.
Use “might,†not “may,†in this contrary-to-fact construction.
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In 1950, a young man, with or without a high school degree, would have found it much easier than it is today to get and keep a job in the auto industry.
As we noted last week, high schools grant diplomas, not degrees.
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Each country adheres to its own Orthodox church, and for decades were simply disinterested in each other.
Two problems here. The singular “each†and “its†don’t work with the plural verb “wereâ€; recast the sentence. Also, we meant “uninterested,†not “disinterested,†which in careful usage means unbiased or impartial.
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But some speculated that the drinking that killed him wasn’t just habitual but targeted; that is, despondent over the state of his career, he deliberately drank himself into a stupor, la! id out too long in the sun and willed himself to die.
Lay, not laid, for the past tense of lie.
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The wording of the bill offers broad latitude to the Russian police, who already are engaged in what rights groups say are political prosecutions, to interpret the traditional or nontraditional nature of relationships portrayed in public places where children are present.
It’s smoother to put the adverb between the verb parts: “are already engaged.â€
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Andrew Mokete Mlangeni, who was a prisoner at Robben Island with Mr. Mandela, told The Sunday Times newspaper that Mr. Mandela’s family “must release him so that God may have his own way.â€
Pretty clear that The Sunday Times is a newspaper.
