A common parallelism problem arises when two modifiers are used together, connected by a conjunction, but one is a phrase and the other is a full clause with its own verb. The effect is awkward and jarring. In careful writing, the two elements should be grammatically parallel or should be reworked into a single clause. Once the problem is diagnosed, the fix is usually simple.
Some recent examples:
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Elizabeth Chandler, a founder of Goodreads.com, a social networking site built around books and that has 13 million members, said she noticed new-adult fiction suddenly gaining popularity on her site in 2011.
The two elements connected by “and†both modify “site,†but they are not parallel â€" one is a participial phrase (“built around booksâ€) and one a relative clause (“that has 13 million membersâ€). A simple fix is to eliminate “and†â€" “a social networking site built around books that has 13 million members.†Or combine both elements into oe modifying clause: “a social networking site that is built around books and has …â€
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Between 2000 and 2010, the report said, the $10.7 billion ski and snowboarding industry, with centers in 38 states and which employs 187,000 people directly or indirectly, lost $1.07 billion in revenue when comparing each state’s best snowfall years with its worst snowfall years.
Here, we could have recast the modifiers into one prepositional phrase, which would save words, too: “with 187,000 workers and centers in 38 states.â€
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This old farming town near the base of the Rocky Mountains has long been considered a conservative next-door neighbor to the ultraliberal college town of Boulder, a place bisected by the railroad and where middle-class families found a living at the vegetable cannery, sugar mill and Butterball turkey plant.
Again, the participial phrase and the subordinate clause are not parallel and should not be connected! with “and.†Here, the conjunction could simply be eliminated: “a place bisected by the railroad where middle-class families found a living …â€
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Once executives were assured that only the internal communications network had been hit and that not a drop of oil had been spilled, they set to work replacing the hard drives of tens of thousands of its PCs and tracking down the parties responsible, according to two people close to the investigation but who were not authorized to speak publicly about it.
We could delete “but.†Or, if the intent is to suggest a contrast between the two elements, make them parallel: “two people who were close to the investigation but were not authorized …â€
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Mr. Shapiro, editor of “The Yale Book of Quotations,†attributes the interest to William Safire, who was a political and language columnist for The New York Times, who died in 2009.
This is a different problem. Here, the two relativ clauses are parallel, but are awkwardly piled up without a conjunction. Make the first part an appositive phrase: “William Safire, a political and language columnist for The New York Times, who died in 2009.†(A subtle distinction: Using a comma after “Times†indicates that the relative clause gives additional information not crucial to the identification. If the “who died†clause is considered necessary, drop the comma.)
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In a Word
This week’s grab bag of grammar, style and other missteps, compiled with help from colleagues and readers.
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WASHINGTON â€" Senators bid hasty goodbyes to families, donned ties and pantsuits in lieu of sweat pants and Christmas sweaters and one by one returned to the Capitol on Thursday to begin the business of doing nothing in particular.
As The Times’s stylebook says, in the sense of saying goodbye, the past tense is “bade.â€
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The chain that is home of the Slurpee! , Big Gul! p and self-serve nachos with chili and cheese is betting that consumers will stop in for yogurt parfaits, crudité and lean turkey on whole wheat bread.
It’s always plural: crudités.
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He and Mr. Dermer said the agenda would include improvements for Robinson’s Arch, a discreet area of the wall designated for coed prayer under the court ruling, and the easing of restrictions in the larger area known as the Western Wall plaza, along with the more sensitive questions regarding prayer at the main site.
Apparently we meant “discrete†â€" that is, separate â€" and it was later changed to that.
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In case you haven’t heard, President Obama is considering appointing Chuck Hagel, a former United States senator from Nebraska and a Purple Heart winner, as the next secretary of defense â€" and this has triggered a minifirefight among Hagel critics and supporters.
Better to say “a Purple Heart recipient,†or sa someone “earned†or “received†or “was awarded†the medal.
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Erick Erickson, of the blog RedState, identified 34 Republicans whom he said opposed Mr. Boehner’s bill and another 12 whom he identified as being on the fence.
Make the first one “who,†the subject of “opposed.†The second “whom†is correct â€" the object of “identified.â€
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The cats eat well, are free to lounge on Hemingway’s furniture (because it is also their house), and even have their own cemetery near the garden, where Frank Sinatra lies buried within arms’ reach of Zsa Zsa Gabor and where Marilyn Monroe is one sultry glance from Mr. Bette Davis (it is Key West, after all).
The phrase would be “arm’s reach,†like “arm’s length.†But it’s redundant; just say “reach.â€
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Journalists are taught to be suspect of those who have gone through the revolving door, but Mr. ! Miller’! s trip through that door left him uniquely suited for the Newtown story.
We meant “suspicious.â€
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Quieter than Cindy and extremely considerate, Ms. Bessin is hardly recognizable out of costume, just one of the facts that helps keep her grounded.
Recorded announcement: make it “one of the facts that help keep her grounded.†Or simply, “a fact that helps keep …â€
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On the surface, Charles Maddock could be seen as one of those privileged young men who develops a sense of noblesse oblige as he dances between the raindrops while everyone else gets wet.
And again: make it “who develop a sense … as they dance …â€
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Nevermind it was 2 p.m.
Make it “Never mind that it was 2 p.m.â€
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As a consequence, his characters can be difficult to get a handle on, opaque, which might be frustrating if there wasn’t so much meaning packed into their everyday coversations and gestures, including what they leave unsaid.
Use the subjunctive in this contrary-to-fact condition: “if there weren’t so much meaning …â€
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“When I entered politics, the frame of reference was a balanced budget as the principle conservative precept,†said former Representative James Leach, an Iowa Republican who served from 1977 to 2007.
Make it “principal,†meaning first or highest in rank.
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[Caption] Wayne LaPierre speaks on the one-week anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.
Anniversaries mark years, not weeks.
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According to people briefed on the matter, the antitrust unit pushed for less-onerous penalties, citing the cooperation of UBS.
No hyphen is necessary here. Use one in a comparative phrase with “less†or “more†only in the rare case where the phrase is ambiguous without it.
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Yet in a sign of how deep the shooting rampage in Newtown, Conn., has resonated throughout the country, Cerberus signaled that it wanted to remove itself from the uproar over the nation’s gun laws in seeking to sell Freedom, which makes the Bushmaster rifle used in the massacre.
The normal adverbial form is “deeply.â€
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In 1996, Mr. Yegutkin began to fondle and engage in oral sex with the 7-year-old son of a family friend, prosecutors said.
From the stylebook on “fondleâ€:
It means caress or stroke in a tender way. The word is not suitable for descriptions of rape, assault or unwelcome advances. Grab, grope or touch may be more appropriate.
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United Airlines has joined some of its competitors in blocking a third-party Web site that helps consumers track their frequent-flyer miles from multiple airlines.
Style is “flier.â€
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But the really interesting change is that Facebook is proposing to ed this system of direct voting, which was implemented in early 2009 after a major privacy flap.
As a noun to mean controversy or fuss, “flap is colloquial and trite,†the stylebook says.
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Say you’re a once-famous actor, moldering away in a nursing home. A condescending male nurse makes you do wheelchair aerobics to Wham!’s “Last Christmas.†As it happens, you’ve just been caught attempting an inappropriate assignation with his sister, another nurse.
Strike “male.†The stylebook warns against implying that an occupation belongs to only one sex. The context here is clear.
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We’ve become obsessed with the vicious undermining and murderously competing fiefdoms in the Stygian world of “Homeland.â€
“Fiefs†is better. It means land or domain, so “fiefdom†is redundant. And the “Tale of Two†headline play is beyond shopworn.
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Speaker John A. Boehner unveiled what ! he dubbed “Plan B†less than 24 hours after President Obama offered a more comprehensive deal that would raise tax rates on incomes over $400,000 and, over 10 years, produce $1.2 trillion in tax increases and cut $930 billion in spending.
The stylebook says, “In the sense of naming or labeling (They dubbed it the Curriculum Outreach Plan, or COP), the overfancy word is best left for knighthood ceremonies.â€
