Bright Passages

Now, a brief respite from carping, and another small sampling of sparkling prose from recent editions:

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Metro, 9/7:

Kiss Baby, Smile, Check Phone (Over and Over)

New York City’s race for mayor this year has featured a number of conspicuous novelties …

Less conspicuous, perhaps only because voters are too busy staring at their own smartphones to notice, is the way the ubiquity of mobile devices has introduced a new peril into candidate-voter interactions: distracted campaigning.

At a forum last month, typical of the scores of such events around the city over the course of the campaign, candidates fiddled ceaselessly with their phones, though they were onstage before an audience of over 1,500 and the event was televised.

The phenomenon is in part a fact of contemporary life â€" people everywhere check their cellphones constantly â€" and in part a tacit acknowledgment of a reality of campaigning: It can be boring to listen to the same rival candidates saying the same things day after day, night after night.

Sarah Maslin Nir’s observation on the latest campaign-trail trend was full of vivid details and deft phrases.

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Metro, 8/30:

Come On In, Paddlers, the Water’s Just Fine. Don’t Mind the Sewage.

Some people questioned the wisdom of establishing a boat club at a Superfund site.

But such is the lure of water, even when sludge seems like a more fitting descriptor, that the North Brooklyn Boat Club emerged out of one of New York’s most-polluted estuaries, Newtown Creek.

Its docks sit just downstream from a sewage treatment plant and a recycling center. Its clubhouse is flanked by salvage yards and warehouses, not far from an area so contaminated by decades of oil spills that the soil resembles black mayonnaise. And, flashing a winking self-awareness, its logo features a rowboat in a stream gushing out of a sewer spout while a tin can and a dead rat drift alongside.

The understatement of the lead and the telling details drew readers into Emily Rueb’s intriguing Brooklyn feature.

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Culture, 8/21:

Democracy May Prove the Doom of WBAI

WBAI likes to call itself “radio for the 99 percent.” But most of the time the station â€" a listener-supported and proudly scrappy mainstay of the left since 1960 â€" is lucky to be heard by 0.1 percent of the New York radio audience.

A reader praised this sharp lead by Ben Sisario, which summed up WBAI’s challenge in two quick sentences.

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Metro, 8/21:

Nonprofits Are Balking at Law on Disclosing Political Donors

In Albany, where even transparency is discussed in secret, the state ethics commission voted behind closed doors to grant an exemption to Naral Pro-Choice New York, a prominent abortion rights group.

Another reader submission: Tom Kaplan’s pitch-perfect observation on business as usual in Albany.

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Obituaries, 7/13:

Jim Buck, Who Made Walking Dogs a Job, Dies at 81

There are eight million occupational stories in New York City, and none cries Gotham louder than that of the professional surrogate â€" the shrewd city dweller who spies a void that other New Yorkers are too hurried, harried or hard-pressed to fill and rushes enterprisingly in.

Over time, the city has spawned professional car-movers and professional line-standers, but its most visible â€" and audible â€" paid surrogates are indisputably its professional dog walkers.

By all accounts, Jim Buck was the first of them.

It’s hard to do a “Bright Passages” tally without an entry from Margo Fox â€" here, from her delightful who-knew? obit for the dean of Manhattan dog-walkers.

 
That Darn Subjunctive

Now, back to the carping. Sparkling prose notwithstanding, the subjunctive continues to torment some writers and editors. We skip it when we should use it â€" and, more conspicuously, overcompensate by using it when it isn’t called for. A recent example of each problem:

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In the case of Roger Federer, every sign of struggle sets the radar on high alert because he’s Roger Federer and the current downward slope of his career is monitored as if the sport is watching its own electrocardiogram.

This is a “contrary to fact” condition (the sport is not, in fact, watching its own electrocardiogram). Use the subjunctive: “as if the sport were watching …”

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If he were known at all to Western security analysts who track the origins of spam, and in particular the ubiquitous subset of spam e-mails that promote male sexual enhancement products, it was only by the handle he used in Russian chat rooms, Engel.

Here’s the hypercorrection. This is just an ordinary past-tense condition, not a contrary-to-fact condition or a hypothetical construction that would call for the subjunctive. Make it “If he was known at all … it was only by the handle …”

 
In a Word

This week’s grab bag of grammar, style and other missteps, compiled with help from colleagues and readers.

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Although there were two voting booths, the couple went sequentially. Ms. McCray, wearing a flowered dress and sandals, voted first.

But what was Mr. de Blasio wearing? Please be careful about such descriptions. (This one was eventually removed.)

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Mr. Byford was made redundant in October 2010 after 31 years with the BBC but remained on the staff with pay for eight months before receiving severance of nearly £1 million (about $1.55 million): a year’s salary of £474,500 and the same again in lieu of notice.

Even in a story about Britain, let’s avoid this Britishism. Make it “laid off.”

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Athletes with facial hair is not a new phenomenon.

“Athletes” is plural: those with facial hair are not a new phenomenon.

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With the prevalence of fierce bidding wars for apartments in Manhattan, homes that get poached within a day of the open house, and interest rates that keep inching up, a buyer could become so frustrated by hunting for real estate in the 212 area code that he or she might just decide to give up.

This reference is archaic. Since the 1990s, Manhattan has had two additional area codes (646 and 917) that can be either cell or land lines (and Marble Hill is in 718).

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People, not products, are the main cause of food-borne illnesses, and they can be avoided by following certain basic principles of food safety.

O.K., I get what we are trying to say. But in this construction, “they” seems at first glance to refer to “people.”

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In his autobiographical essay written for the Nobel committee after being awarded the prize, he recalled being taken by his father at age 11 to a phrenologist to hear what could be discovered from the shape of his head.

Dangler. Make it “after he was awarded,” since it is not the essay that was awarded the prize, and the phrase goes with “written,” not “recalled.”

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But once rescued, finding new homes for beleaguered birds â€" de-beaked, atrophied and often suffering from osteoporosis â€" can be a challenge.

Another dangler. Make it “But once they are rescued,” since what is rescued is the beleaguered birds, not finding new homes.

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For nearly half a decade, on a 10-acre plot that was once owned by Henry Francis du Pont, Mr. Klein, the fashion designer, has been erecting a minimalist palace the likes of which is seldom seen in an area of increasing architectural homogeneity.

Make it, “the likes of which are seldom seen.”

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Indeed, Time Warner Cable executives had said earlier that a reason the company decided to remove the CBS stations in early August was because of the recognition that it would lose leverage the closer it got to the N.F.L. season.

Make it, “a reason … was the recognition”; “because of” is redundant after “reason.”

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But the ballpark it is eyeing for possible games lies not in big sports centers, like London with its Wembley Stadium, or Paris, with the Stade de France, but this midsize Dutch town on land that until about 150 years ago lay deep under water.

For the sentence to be parallel, a preposition must follow “but”: make it, “lies not in … but in this midsize Dutch town …” (Also, “eyeing” in this sense is journalese; perhaps “considering”?)

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But here they are on what used to be Super Saturday, with Federer long gone, and with Nadal ready for Gasquet in a match where the stakes (and the video quality) will be quite a bit higher than it was back at age 13.

“The stakes … will be a quite a bit higher than they were…”

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Mr. Buatta is perhaps the only decorator people outside of the Palm Beach-Upper East Side-Southampton axis could actually name …

Avoid these double prepositions; no need for “of” here.

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[Headline] Facing Fear, With Family, in the Sierras

The Sierras began to form 10 million years ago and are made of speckled granite that shines like crystal.

From The Times’s stylebook:

Sierra Nevada; the Sierra (not Sierra Nevada Mountains or the Sierras).

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1:30 p.m. Greets shoppers preparing for Rosh Hashanah at Seasons Supermarket in the Flushing section of Queens.

Plunging headfirst into public diplomacy, Mr. Zarif chose to open his dialogue with fellow users of the social network by extending greetings for the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah.

Our style is Rosh Hashana.

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The two-day visit was Mr. Bezos’s first trip to The Post since he agreed to buy the paper in early August for $250 million. Before the deal closes in October, Mr. Bezos made the visit to chat with employees from both the business and editorial sides about his plans for the company.

The agreement, not the sale, came in August. A simple fix would clarify the timing: “since he agreed in early August to buy the paper.”

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Many young adults willingly pay twice as much for a fourth-floor walk-up in Gotham than they would spend in Milwaukee or Tucson for better space.

Make it “twice as much … as they would,” not “than.”

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Money is flowing to elections like never before.

“Like” in this sense is a preposition that should be followed by a noun or pronoun; make this “as never before.”

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The American bar mitzvah, facing derision for Las Vegas style excess, is about to get a full makeover, but for an entirely different reason.

This compound modifier needed a hyphen: “Las Vegas-style excess.”

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My father, A.R. Schwartz, known as Babe, was a member of the Legislature between 1955, two years before I was born, until 1980, when I was in college and he was swept out of office with the Reagan tide.

Make it “between 1955 … and 1980,” or “from 1955 … until 1980.”

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There were guilty grimaces when asked if they regularly composted their food scraps.

Another dangler; it’s not natural to read the participle “asked” to refer to the pronoun within the following subordinate clause. Rephrase, e.g., “There were guilty grimaces when the candidates were asked …”