Beyond the Obvious

My colleague Mark Bulik offered these thoughts on caption writing, with examples, bad and good.

Every day Times editors conduct dozens of weddings, uniting words and images, in print and online. Many of these unions are things of grace and beauty, others come closer to an ugly brawl, and more than a few just seem silly. As in any marriage, the two parties should not just speak to each other, but seem as though they belong together. And so, in the service of a more perfect union, let us start with the advice of The Times's stylebook: “A caption should normally explain what readers cannot see for themselves in the picture and should omit the obvious.”

Consider what can happen when we ignore that admonition and fill a caption with whatever basic information came with the photo.

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US Attorney's Office Eastern District of New York

Published caption: A photo shows about $20,000 sitting on cans of beer following a series of thefts from A.T.M.'s in New York in February.

We can assume that it's a photo and that it shows something - no need to say so. And yes, it's pretty clear that those are cans of beer. Instead of telling readers what they could already see, we could have tried for a bigger point - for example, did the suspects take this picture themselves?

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Angelos Tzortzinis for The International Herald Tribune

Published caption: Michalis Petrakis, who is jobless and whose son Pantelis has been going to school hungry, opened his nearly empty refrigerator.

In case you thought he was closing it. Perhaps instead of telling readers that Mr. Petrakis was opening his refrigerator, we could have told them that he has trouble filling it.

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Saul Martinez/European Pressphoto Agency

Published caption: Courtroom spectators applauded after the trial judge refused to accept a ruling annulling the case.

Yes, that's what they are doing with their hands - applauding. A better use of the space might have been to note that the spectators included a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, Rigoberta Menchu (center, with beads).

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Josh Haner/The New York Times

Published caption: Pallbearers carried Krystle Campbell's coffin at her funeral Monday in Melford, Mass. “I'll miss her, that's for sure,” her grandmother said. “She was my baby girl.”

Instead of reporting the obvious - that pallbearers were carrying a coffin - we could have noted that this was the first of the funerals for the Boston bombing victims.

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Now consider what a cutline can add to the presentation of a story when we give the reader some additional context:

Larry W. Smith/European Pressphoto Agency

Published caption: The remains of the plant. The authorities say there is no indication of criminal activity in the explosion, which followed a fire.

With this caption out of West, Tex., we avoided belaboring the obvious and used the space to address a key question in readers' minds: Was the explosion foul play?

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Boyd Norton

Published caption: Anna Merz with Samia. The rhino would follow her around like a dog even after she was grown.

After a caption like that, who wouldn't want to read more?

 
In a Word

This week's grab bag of grammar, style and other missteps, compiled with help from colleagues and readers.

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A pristine 12-room sponsor unit at 535 West End Avenue, a 1920 brick building reinvented, expanded and marketed as a luxury destination by the Extell Development Company, sold for $16.295 million and was the most expensive residential sale of the week, according to city records.

From the stylebook:

When mentioning an address on a major thoroughfare in New York City, ordinarily specify the nearest cross street.

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The revelations had been published by The New York Times, The A.P. and in several books.

With the switch of prepositions, this doesn't work as a three-element series. Make it “by The New York Times and The A.P. and in several books.”

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Both Mr. Sharif and Mr. Khan have been measured in their criticism of the Taliban, and neither have suffered attack, although the caretaker government says they are also at risk.

“Suffered attack” is an odd phrasing, and in any case, “neither” is singular. Make it “neither has been attacked.”

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To many, they remain the afterthoughts of the New York City mayoral race: outsider candidates, polling in the single digits, whom the political establishment assumed would at some point quietly go away.

The establishment assumed that they, not them, would go away; replace “they” with “who,” not “whom.”

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It conjures up the old adage that ships are safest on shore, but that is not why they are built.

As the stylebook notes, an adage is an old saying; “old adage” is redundant.

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His game, redolent of crisp iron play and clutch putting, has resurfaced.

Redolent means smelling (of) or, by extension, evocative (of). We needed a different word.

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Len Johnson, who lives in the Jefferson Houses, another public housing complex in East Harlem, explained it this way: “It's like, ‘What I done to your door, I'm going to do to you,' ” he said, “It's a powerful message. It's all about saying something without them saying it out of their mouth.”

This sentence attributes the same quotation twice. Why not drop the “he said”?

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An affadavit sworn out by Douglas J. Kunze, a special agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, said the authorities had found the parts of a pipe bomb, including potassium nitrate powder, which is used in fertilizers and gunpowder.

Though Mr. Reed was not in possession of the materials, he admitted to having possessed them, according to the affadavit.

It's spelled “affidavit.”

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A witness also said Mr. Scarcella told him who to choose in a lineup.

“Whom,” not “who.”

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[Caption] Barbara Walters and Harry Reasoner after her debut as the nation's first female anchorwoman.

Redundant; of course an anchorwoman is female. In any case, the stylebook prefers “anchor.”

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The family has also been troubled by what they say is a lack of communication from the authorities.

Singular or plural? Make it singular throughout.

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But it does offer a reminder that how patience on both sides is wearing thin as the war grinds on, and that thoughtless acts can lead to international incidents.

Perhaps we were changing “of how” to “that,” but didn't finish the editing?

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The glasseslike device, which allows users to access the Internet, take photos and film short snippets, has been pre-emptively banned by a Seattle bar.

Avoid this jargony verb use of “access” if possible. Here, we could simply say “go online.”