Complex sentences, with one or more subordinate clauses, often entangle writer and editor in an ungrammatical snarl. Relative clauses - introduced by the relative pronouns who, whom, that and which - seem to give us particular trouble, but piling up clauses of any variety increases the risk of a misstep. Sometimes the best approach is not merely to bandage the grammatical wound but to recast or simplify the sentence.
Some recent examples:
---
Toshi Seeger, whose husband the folk singer Pete Seeger has credited for at least half his success - from helping to organize the first Newport Folk Festival to campaigning to clean the Hudson River - died on Tuesday at their home in Beacon, N.Y.
The tangle here arises from trying to force a relative pronoun (the possessive “whose,†standing in for “of whomâ€) to perform more than one function at the same time. It can't.
“Whose,†referring to Toshi, modifies “husband.†It can't simultaneously work as the direct object of “has credited,†as we seemed to hope. We would need another pronoun to fill that role: “whose husband … has credited HER for at least half his success.†Better still, we should have recast this cumbersome sentence. (The obit-lead formula, which frequently relies on a long and complicated relative clause describing the subject, is prone to such problems.)
---
Amazon, its detractors argue, is not a nonprofit or public trust but a hard-nosed company whose investors hope will make lots of money someday soon.
A very similar problem arises here, where we have a subordinate clause inside another subordinate clause. “Whose,†the possessive referring to “company†and modifying “investors,†cannot also supply the subject of the verb in the next clause, “will make.†We need another pronoun, even though the antecedent will still be “companyâ€: “whose investors hope it will make lots of money.â€
---
Some, like Chai Ling, a student organizer during the Tiananmen Square protests who later embraced evangelical Christianity, alienated many of her supporters by repeatedly suing the creators of a documentary that she says defamed her.
Here the long insertion beginning “like Chai Ling†led us off the original grammatical track. “Some†is supposed to be the subject of the main clause, but it makes no sense to say “some alienated many of her supporters.†Recast it or break it up.
---
But it is the police returning to the streets that offers the most blatant sign that the institutions once loyal to Mr. Mubarak held back while Mr. Morsi was in power.
What does the relative pronoun “that†refer to? If it's the gerund “returning,†then in precise usage “police†should be possessive: “the police's returning.†Or “returning†could be a participle modifying “police,†but in that case the relative pronoun should be “who,†and plural: “It is the police returning to the streets who offer the most blatant sign …â€
Better still, simplify the sentence, which now consists of four intertwined clauses: “But the police's return to the streets offers the most blatant sign …â€
---
The full acronym has appeared in cases in legal databases for decades; a Chinese gang indictment in New York about a decade ago listed 28 defendants, almost half of which were Fnu Lnus.
A different relative-pronoun problem, also common. The pronoun refers to defendants, so make it “half of whom.â€
Â
In a Word
This week's grab bag of grammar, style and other missteps, compiled with help from colleagues and readers.
---
His City Hall, like his eponymous company, was built on the power of information.
As a reader pointed out, in precise usage, Bloomberg L.P. is Michael Bloomberg's “namesake†company; he is its “eponymous†founder.
---
But Montana along with West Virginia and South Dakota - two other red states where an incumbent Democrat has retired and where the Democrats have not identified a strong candidate to replace them - gives Republicans a running start.
At least two problems here. The “along with†phrase should be set off with a comma. And the plural “them†doesn't agree with the singular “an incumbent Democrat.â€
---
[Headline] D.N.A. Backs Lore on Pre-Columbian Dogs
DNA, for deoxyribonucleic acid, does not stand for three separate words and so does not take periods under our style. The article and print subhead had it right, but the online headline didn't.
---
According to the C.B.O., the bill would reduce illegal immigration by somewhere between 33 percent to 50 percent.
Between 33 percent and 50 percent.
---
Mr. de la Rionda also treaded lightly over witness testimony, mentioning that different people gave differing accounts of who was on top during the struggle.
Unless you are treading water, the past tense is “trod.â€
---
[Headline] Purported E-Mail From Snowden Asks for Meeting With Rights Groups
From The Times's stylebook:
purport means seem (often questionably) or intend: The letter purports to be signed by Washington. She purports to be leaving for China. But never the purported letter or the purported mobster; this verb cannot be used in the passive voice. Grammatically, purport behaves in sentences the way seem does: if one word will not fit in a construction, neither will the other.
---
Thomas Bjorkman, a plant scientist at Cornell University, examined the store-bought specimen like a diagnostician, unflinchingly but with a certain compassion. …
But Mr. Bjorkman and a team of fellow researchers are out to change all that.
Normally a scientist/professor with a Ph.D. would be Dr. or Professor on second reference, unless Bjorkman prefers not to use those titles.
---
AUSTIN, Tex. - The Texas Senate gave final passage on Friday to one of the strictest anti-abortion measures in the country, legislation championed by Gov. Rick Perry, who rallied the Republican-controlled Legislature late last month after a Democratic filibuster blocked the bill and intensified already passionate resistance by abortion-rights supporters.
This lead was overstuffed and hard to follow.
---
He worried he might have trouble persuading her to walk to the beach. “It was a cloudy day, definitely going to rain,†he said. “I said, ‘Sweetie, do you want to go for a walk or wait out the rain?' She said, ‘Let's do it.' That's the trooper I love so much.â€
Trouper, not trooper.
---
One part that clearly did not work as intended were the emergency slides.
Agreement problem. The subject, “part,†is singular and should have a singular verb.
---
Strikingly, Democratic leaders drew parallels between Mr. Spitzer and Mr. Weiner, trying to lump them together as two wayward men obsessed with reclaiming power and unworthy of redemption, in a direct appeal to women voters who may decide the races.
We don't say “men votersâ€; make it either “to female voters†or just “to women.†And there should be a comma after “voters.â€
---
He famously sent sales of Breton sailor tops surging when he posed in one to promote his “Made in France†campaign. The 50-year-old bachelor's love life has been avidly chronicled, including the night he and his former girlfriend, the attractive black TV journalist Audrey Pulvar, were attacked by racist thugs.
“Black†appears to be germane; “attractive†seems gratuitous. And as we noted recently, “famously†has seen some overuse in our pages.
---
It even has a strategic pork reserve, like the United States has a strategic oil reserve.
“Just as,†not “like.â€
---
GHALANAI, Pakistan - The classroom in Ghalanai, an area nestled amid the mountains of Pakistan's tribal belt, has the air of a military camp: a solitary tent pitched beside a bombed-out building, ringed by a high wall and protected by an armed gunman.
Redundant; gunmen are by definition armed.
---
Other events have featured the New York Giants, the New England Patriots, the Boston Bruins, major league soccer stars, children's book authors and monster trucks, to name just a few.
We were presumably referring to the league whose formal name is Major League Soccer, so this should have been capitalized.
---
That advice, friends say, never really sunk in, and Mr. Chen, 41, has found himself enmeshed in controversy.
Sank, not sunk. This was fixed in time for later editions.
---
At 10 p.m., Lloyd texted to Hernandez, “Aite idk anything goin on.â€
Aite is slang for “all right†and idk is an acronym for “I don't know.†…
That inventory included a safe that contained a scale and a dish, a duffel bag that had bandages in it, a Blackberry, three iPads, an iPhone and some clothing and shoes.
“Idk†is just an abbreviation, not an acronym, since it is not pronounced as a word. And both Bs in “BlackBerry†should be capitalized.
---
The outrage of European leaders notwithstanding, intelligence experts and historians say the most recent disclosures reflect the complicated nature of the relationship between the intelligence services of the United States and its allies, which have long quietly swapped information on each others' citizens.
Each other's, not each others'.
---
All this helps explain why Mr. Ponder said he, as so many here, would try to get himself to a hospital before seeking help from Detroit.
An overcorrection. This is a prepositional phrase, so the preposition “like†is wanted, not “as.â€
---
Every morning (like I said, I am very regular), I find myself with a new appreciation for this bacterial world that we share.
And here, the reverse. We wanted “as,†a conjunction, to introduce a full clause.
---
On Tuesday, he told a hastily assembled group of journalists that he was “not planning any revolutions, and realize fairly well that in this theater, as any other, one person alone can do nothing.â€
A partial quote like this has to fit grammatically into the overall sentence. This one doesn't; the introductory “he was†works with “not planning†but does not work with “realize.†Recast.
